Feelings Count More than Money
If a divorce case goes to trial because the parties cannot resolve their financial differences, it usually has more to do with feelings that it does with finances.
As part of what I discussed in the "We Don't Know How to Get Through to Our Spouse" post, this is another of our classic misunderstandings. Most divorce wars are not about money, they only sound like they are about money. They are about unresolved feelings, which do not appear on a ledger. We have to soothe the feelings before we can settle the divorce.
However, we cannot soothe the feelings until we can talk about them constructively and this takes more time than an early settlement allows. We are rarely content with a settlement offer if we still have something to say and society has not taught us how to state our objections without stirring up trouble.
We must allow our spouse to vent without our becoming aggravated, and we must learn how to express our feelings sensibly and safely.
Feelings are a major part of divorce negotiations. Attempting to negotiate a divorce settlement without addressing feelings is like trying to land an aircraft without fuel. While this is doable, it does make the landing much harder.
