"Secret" is defined on my online dictionary as a reason or explanation for something not generally apparent, or as a method or formula known only to the initiated or to a few.
Keeping the above definition in mind, the unbelievably simple secret to a friendly divorce is this:
Be nice to your spouse during your divorce settlement conversations;
Be nice even when your spouse doesn't deserve it;
Be nice no matter what;
Be nice even if it kills you; and,
Never, ever fight back.
Why should we be nice? There is one big reason: It enables us to avoid a long, bad, ugly, divisive, and expensive divorce. We do it to save our dignity, mental stability, and physical health, and for the sake of the children. Being nice does not mean being weak; it means being smart.
In most aspects of life we know that fighting gets us into trouble. It got us into trouble in school; it got us in trouble as adults. Why should we believe it is any different in a divorce?
If fighting it out in court for the past century has turned divorce into a costly and energy consuming horror, then it makes sense to try something different. Taking a friendly, diplomatic, sensitive, pleasant, mature approach toward your spouse during the divorce negotiations is the other alternative. It is all we have left, and it works.
