Chicago Divorce Attorney Blog

How Do I Keep My Divorce Friendly? Part III

In Part II of this post (January 15, 2010), we suggested acting nicely toward your soon-to-be ex as a means of helping you reduce the length, pain, and expense of your divorce.

This doesn't work in every case, but it never hurts to give it a try. In fact, there is no downside to the "nice" approach. When you are trying to persuade your spouse to agree to an out of court settlement, you are really attempting to get him or her to give you something that they would prefer not to give to you.

This is the essence of sales, and we are merely suggesting that you do what salespersons have been doing for centuries: Be nice to the customer and entice them to see things your way.

This blog focuses on the nice approach to divorce settlement conversations between spouses. It will contain over 200 tips regarding the specific things that you can say or do to maintain a cooperative, non-confrontational demeanor when you are discussing settlement terms with your partner.

We do not suggest that you be nice because we want you to be devoted to your spouse's interests. We want you to be nice so you can accomplish your best interests.

Business is business and the nicer you are is the better businessperson you are. Since over 90% of all divorces reach a settlement before the trial ever starts, it is in your best interests to start working on a settlement immediately.

The nice approach allows you to do this, and our traditional, adversarial approach does the opposite - it leads to added delays, added expense, and added suffering to the family unit.

How Do I Keep My Divorce Friendly? Part II

In order to be able to persuade your soon-to-be ex spouse to agree to a mutually acceptable out of court settlement, you must be able to keep their mind open and willing to consider a compromise, so that a settlement may occur.

There are two parts to doing this. The first part is simple to understand, and the second part requires motivation. All you need to know about the first is that you must refrain from aggravating your spouse. It all starts there. If you aggravate him or her, you lose. If you don't aggravate them, you have your foot in the door and you stand a chance.

Non-aggravated spouses in divorce are typically less defensive, less untrusting, less suspicious, less vengeful, less stubborn, and are generally less difficult to deal with. Unhampered spouses have room in their minds for compromise and this is the first thing you must accomplish.

The second part - the part that requires motivation - requires that you do what is necessary to keep your partner's mind clear, unhampered, and open to compromise.

We accomplish this by doing the last thing in the world that we want to do, despite it being the only thing in the world that actually works, and this is to be nice to them. Yes, I said "Nice."

Be sure to look at Part III.

Opening the Door to Compromise and Settlement

It is one thing to say you want your divorce to be sensible and friendly, but it is an altogether different thing to know precisely what you have to do to get a sensible and friendly divorce.

"The Secret to a Friendly Divorce" category of this blog shows you exactly what it takes. It reveals the little known, but extremely effective, things that you must say and do (and not say and do!) to entice your soon-to-be ex to join you in creating and maintaining a sensible and friendly negotiation climate throughout your divorce.

Sensible and friendly divorces are quicker, less costly, and much easier on the family. They involve less pain, less frustration, less anger, less hurt, less fury, less despair, and less anxiety and confusion.

When the divorcing couple's minds are relatively un- hampered by the negative influences that are prevalent in divorce, the door to settlement opens and reaching an out of court settlement becomes possible.

How do we open the door and keep it open? Explaining this part is easy, but doing what we need to do requires motivation.

These answers and more follow immediately in the two next blog posts.

The purpose of this blog is to spread the word about something that our predecessors in divorce could only dream of. It is something that is badly needed, long awaited, and very much overdue.

It is the secret to a friendly divorce.

The blog will unveil and discuss the special things that we must say and do (and not say and do) to persuade our soon-to-be ex to agree to sensible and affordable out-of-court settlement. .

It centers on a remarkable and proven professional negotiation strategy that saves divorcing parties and their families from unnecessary pain and expense.

Illinois Divorce Attorney Blog is for reasonable people who want their divorce to be reasonable.